I am sorry for writing this, Dad

Daddy,

I met this man who is older than me here in a new city I live in,

He looks just like you,

He acts like you do,

He even likes to tell me bedtime story just like you were,

The difference is, the story somehow feels deeper and it touches my soul.

Daddy,

He also likes to read book,

He talks about a poet and philosopher,

He talks just like you.

Daddy,

He said he also loves to write,

He even wrote me a poem!

He wrote me a letter,

He confronts me the world that I almost left behind.

Daddy,

I am sorry,

I replace yours and mom’s kiss with his lips on 14^th of December,

But I am glad that my first went so passionate just like I always dreamed of,

I am sorry,

I cant no longer remember how warm your hug is,

I found tranquility on his arm,

I love his scent which is the combination of tobacco and his sweet sweats,

Just like you.

Daddy,

I never known that a man could drive me this crazy,

I feel weaken and weaken around him,

I feel like, I will dispose myself just to make him stay,

Daddy, tell me,

Is this love that everyone talks about?

Daddy!

I feel his hands,

Around my body,

Between a part of me that you said shouldn’t be touched by anyone but me.

Daddy,

I am so scared,

I feel so guilty,

I cant deny it because how if he will mad then leave me?

Daddy,

Is this lust that everyone fear?

Daddy,

I am sorry,

I did it.

I am sorry,

I did it with the man who is not loving me back.

I thought I was making love, dad,

But he just called it having fun.

Daddy,

He is no longer come,

I thought he was busy with his life,

But then I know that he finished playing his game.

Daddy,

I was only his game,

While I thought he was my muse.

I was only a young girl he is done playing,

While I had given him my everything.

Daddy,

I feel my soul has left me as I lose his presence in my used-to-be-beautiful-day,

I feel only a void that surrounds me,

I feel a big hole inside me,

I feel so empty in the midnight,

I can’t shut my eyes off,

His absence haunted me even in my sleep,
His memories were killing me in my dream.

Daddy,

He used telling me a story before we go to bed,

He used to be a magnificent sleep-partner in my night,

He used to be my bidder nightmare.

Daddy,

I could hear his voice inside my head in my sleep,

I could feel his hand around my body in my dream,

But I only feel nightmare when I wake up.

Daddy,

Is this heartbreak that makes everyone’s life miserable?

Daddy,

I understand why it was so hard for you to let me go back then,

I remember how you stared at me that day,

I know your fear, daddy,

I know it. And I understand it now.

Daddy,

I am sorry for writing this because I know this will only break your heart,

Daddy,

I am sorry for disappoint you,

I am sorry I can’t be like Mom,

I am sorry for giving it to the wrong person.

Daddy, I am really sorry,

But I am so broken,

I feel so anxious, depressed, worthless, and useless.

Daddy,

Please,

There is no one that could love me as you do,

Please,

There is no one here, daddy.

Please,

Bring me back to home.

I thought I am already fine,

 but look,

 I am still a mess and miserable that's why I finally post this.